Exile To The Wind

Well anouther year has started and I have no idea what to think or what to do. I am so happy to have my blog back and not have the harasment from toxic minds online judging what I think feel and say. I am starting to find pace with the idea that somepoeple were never my friends at all. I still feel like I was cheated out of celebrating Christmas last year. Not seeing my family in Colorado hurt me deeply, and now that my Mom and Dad are considering a visit Jeff is being funny about making them welcom here. I want them to visit and I want them to know they are always welcome too! But lately Jeff had made me about many things! He has taken on the job of userping my authority with my children. He has two fo the four kids nearly convinced that there is no reason to listen to me at all. The disrespect they are treatin me with make me so very with my whole situation in life.
After spending my entire adult life married and being Mommy to my four kids I just want to run away. I am so mixed up I do not know what I miss or why, but I do know raising a family should not be a Mom vs. Dad event with the kids struggling to feel loved in the middle of the fight. Then after he has my ds10 convinced that I am not worth respectin or listing to he yells at the boy and leaves him feeling alone in the world and unloved ! I wanted to go in to his room and sit next to him and tell him all the right things but I knew he would have to come to me he would have to want my love and comfort for it to mean anything to him. Hearing him broke my heart and left me feeling hollow.
Then the gifts brought did not help maters any! First of all Kiddos there is NO Santa! Jeff said that the kids had to have a PS2 or they would not be happy for Christmas!
So I went to get the stupid game system out of lay away and spent all of the I had until Valentines Day on the hunk of plastic ! Then you have the matter of the games
that the kiddos have to have to use the game! When I was a kid the cost of one game disk was the toy budget for Christmas! And the games are so stupid! Who enjoys this CRAP and

What I wanted for Christmas I did not get so nothing anybody else got seems importnat to me.
Holidays have anouther odd effect on me. I want to catch up with people I knew years and years ago. But after the fluff that caused online I am not going to bother with that at all again EVER! Lesson learned! If you have grown past a part of your life there is no going back to that time and that place. People who you may have thought like you and enjoyed your company could have been lieing then and finding out about that now can be a hard fact to deal with.
Right now that is one of 4 blogs I am working on and I have 3 community site where I contribute. So I'll be around when I get around to it!
I really want to go out to eat today it would be nice to feel spolied and waited on and not have to cook or clean up aftrer a meal!
No such luck off to cook lunch!