Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The Biopsy Paradox
So in the next few day I will have to go into the hospital and have a surgery to do a breast biopsy, and I am very scared about the whole thing.
Everyone I ask tells me to look online to find information. I log on and I search and I find the same information repeated all over the place, none of it really answers my questions and no one onthe help lines wants to help me they want to tell their own stories over to share what they have learned and that is not helping me to learn or to gain any confidence in the surgery I am facing.
On a higher level than I am functioning at right now I see this terrible biopsy paradox. IF I have the biopsy and the cancertests come back negative then I do not have cancer and I have let a doctor tear apart my breast? If I do not and it heals I will go on living and everything will be just fine? If I do not and the tests come back positive then I have cancer and I have a mutilated breast that will have to heal. This twisted paradox makes me wish I had never gone to see any doctor in the first place. There is no wining situation, all the ends are dead ends and there is just no way to win.
I am so tired all of the time and I am not eating well. I am sick over the fact that I tried to tell some of my support network what is going on and I was treated as the little girl who cried wolf. I had forgotten how hard it is to have your feeling hurt like that, so I got sour and angry about it. I never end up reacting very well to such events in my life. I had a feeling that I should remain silent about the whole thing and now I wish I had followed that feeling.
Who says early detection is the best cure, all I have now is more stress. I am very disapointed with the doctor I was sent to and the path of treatment for womens health. There is no loving caring doctor like you see watching Lifetime on TV, they are all medical so and so who can not wait to get women in surgery and cut! I would love to find a doctor as caring and well suited for the job of treating womens health issues as the ones you see on Strong Medicine on LifeTime.
IRL (In real life. . ) the truth of the matter is women end up with doctors who do not even try to get to know them or who do not even think about the changes they are making in a womans life.
I am not in any hurry to have anouther baby right now but I am scared to death about surgery and not ever being able to nurse a baby at both breast again. There is a real chance that I will go in for a biopsy and come out of surgery with out one of my breasts. What woman (wife, mother, daughter, friend?) would not be scared to tears by all of this.
In addition to all of this the oncologist has called and told me that he wants to set up the surgery he has planned as soon as I get the all clear from the first doctor? How many women start out thingking they havethe whole pink ribbon breast cancer thing going and end up with a boring normal cancer or anouther health problem? This is just the tip of the ice burg for me and I do not know who to tell or what to tell them. I am living life going around in circles, and it is not very nice at all.
I need less sleep and more food and all the prayers are just not helping yet. Hope and joy seem so far away. I will just have to see what happens next.
Everyone I ask tells me to look online to find information. I log on and I search and I find the same information repeated all over the place, none of it really answers my questions and no one onthe help lines wants to help me they want to tell their own stories over to share what they have learned and that is not helping me to learn or to gain any confidence in the surgery I am facing.
On a higher level than I am functioning at right now I see this terrible biopsy paradox. IF I have the biopsy and the cancertests come back negative then I do not have cancer and I have let a doctor tear apart my breast? If I do not and it heals I will go on living and everything will be just fine? If I do not and the tests come back positive then I have cancer and I have a mutilated breast that will have to heal. This twisted paradox makes me wish I had never gone to see any doctor in the first place. There is no wining situation, all the ends are dead ends and there is just no way to win.
I am so tired all of the time and I am not eating well. I am sick over the fact that I tried to tell some of my support network what is going on and I was treated as the little girl who cried wolf. I had forgotten how hard it is to have your feeling hurt like that, so I got sour and angry about it. I never end up reacting very well to such events in my life. I had a feeling that I should remain silent about the whole thing and now I wish I had followed that feeling.
Who says early detection is the best cure, all I have now is more stress. I am very disapointed with the doctor I was sent to and the path of treatment for womens health. There is no loving caring doctor like you see watching Lifetime on TV, they are all medical so and so who can not wait to get women in surgery and cut! I would love to find a doctor as caring and well suited for the job of treating womens health issues as the ones you see on Strong Medicine on LifeTime.
IRL (In real life. . ) the truth of the matter is women end up with doctors who do not even try to get to know them or who do not even think about the changes they are making in a womans life.
I am not in any hurry to have anouther baby right now but I am scared to death about surgery and not ever being able to nurse a baby at both breast again. There is a real chance that I will go in for a biopsy and come out of surgery with out one of my breasts. What woman (wife, mother, daughter, friend?) would not be scared to tears by all of this.
In addition to all of this the oncologist has called and told me that he wants to set up the surgery he has planned as soon as I get the all clear from the first doctor? How many women start out thingking they havethe whole pink ribbon breast cancer thing going and end up with a boring normal cancer or anouther health problem? This is just the tip of the ice burg for me and I do not know who to tell or what to tell them. I am living life going around in circles, and it is not very nice at all.
I need less sleep and more food and all the prayers are just not helping yet. Hope and joy seem so far away. I will just have to see what happens next.
# posted by Sassy @ 10:39 PM 
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Wow. I just found your blog through 'I am a cat' link. What a great book hey? I feel as though anything I say to you will sound patronising and condescending. So all I will say is the truth. I don't envy you and your situation, but I'm thinking of you. Someone I've never met, way over the Pacific and lots of land and hope that in years to come, all of this won't seem so bad as it is. Love to you.
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