Friday, June 02, 2006
After You Know. . . . (Pray A Rosary)
After you know what the tests say things change. Some of my tests came back negative and some of them came back positive so now the truth of the matter is I know how it is to get both answers. When the I.P. in my right breast came back with a negative result for cancer cells I was relived and happy. That only lasted for a few seconds because the next thing I was told was that the fatty and muscle tissues tested positive for a rare slow moving type of cancer, and that because of surgery I am not even strong enough to start the treatment recomended. I do not feel sick or unwell. I feel a great deal of pain where I had surgery, but that should heal in time I hope.
Learning I have this to deal with did not change me anymore than turning 21 changed me all those years ago. Was I expected to cry? What questions did I not know to ask? How is anyone ment to react to such news? No one ever tell you what to say when you learn such a thing! Ockward moment there to be sure. Now most of my life seems like an ockward moment.
After you know what your tests say, I think it is really up to you to work out how your going to react. Life has a way of leaving me on the outside looking in take now for example; I had a breast cancer issue, but it is not breast cancer it is just a run of the mill full system cancer. So no PINK ribbon for me! I found a site that says some of the ribbons are yellow with a sun flower and anouther that claims they should be black and white striped like a zebra? Now I ask you why all of this awarness and ribbon wearing? It does not help anyone to feel better, the ribbons just feed into a side industry of fund raising and marches and walks! Keep your stupid ribbons I think they are a crock of shit!
Why is it that everyone I talk to ends up saying, "knowing is better than not knowing and dieing!" Herein lies anouther paradox, if I did not know I would not have so many crazy thoughts racing about in my head. Here I sit and I do know, but unlike all of the others who have wonderful reasons and do truly mean well I have no fear of death and dieing. Everything happens in God's own time we are juat all along for the ride. How small we truly are to think that knowledge of what to call a condition and jumping on early detection can save us from dieing. H E L L O we are all going to die in the end anyway! None of us get out of this life alive! There is no need to play GOD because God is God and we are his creations, no matter what care or preperations we take all we can really do is pray.
I am not the best Catholic in the world, or even on my block, I know that with out question, but I do find great comfort in all of the teachings of the Catholic church. Sometimes know that prayer is the best answer leaves me feelig very helpless and other times it makes me feel stronger. I am not sure how I feel about everything going on in my life right now, but I do know clearly that prayer is the best anybody can do!
NO pity! No Sympathy! NO Drama! NO worries!
Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray, because that is the best thing any of us can do.
Learning I have this to deal with did not change me anymore than turning 21 changed me all those years ago. Was I expected to cry? What questions did I not know to ask? How is anyone ment to react to such news? No one ever tell you what to say when you learn such a thing! Ockward moment there to be sure. Now most of my life seems like an ockward moment.
After you know what your tests say, I think it is really up to you to work out how your going to react. Life has a way of leaving me on the outside looking in take now for example; I had a breast cancer issue, but it is not breast cancer it is just a run of the mill full system cancer. So no PINK ribbon for me! I found a site that says some of the ribbons are yellow with a sun flower and anouther that claims they should be black and white striped like a zebra? Now I ask you why all of this awarness and ribbon wearing? It does not help anyone to feel better, the ribbons just feed into a side industry of fund raising and marches and walks! Keep your stupid ribbons I think they are a crock of shit!
Why is it that everyone I talk to ends up saying, "knowing is better than not knowing and dieing!" Herein lies anouther paradox, if I did not know I would not have so many crazy thoughts racing about in my head. Here I sit and I do know, but unlike all of the others who have wonderful reasons and do truly mean well I have no fear of death and dieing. Everything happens in God's own time we are juat all along for the ride. How small we truly are to think that knowledge of what to call a condition and jumping on early detection can save us from dieing. H E L L O we are all going to die in the end anyway! None of us get out of this life alive! There is no need to play GOD because God is God and we are his creations, no matter what care or preperations we take all we can really do is pray.
I am not the best Catholic in the world, or even on my block, I know that with out question, but I do find great comfort in all of the teachings of the Catholic church. Sometimes know that prayer is the best answer leaves me feelig very helpless and other times it makes me feel stronger. I am not sure how I feel about everything going on in my life right now, but I do know clearly that prayer is the best anybody can do!
NO pity! No Sympathy! NO Drama! NO worries!
Pray Pray Pray Pray Pray, because that is the best thing any of us can do.
# posted by Sassy @ 4:41 PM 
