Monday, July 03, 2006
Speed Of Days
Today I sit wondering when and
if time passes by us or if we just think we are moving through time. Is it we who moves or is it time who moves around us?
Well the family picnic came and went and the toxic slut ended up talking to a member of the family and learning what is going on with me. At first it made me so MAD then I though it over and deleted the flaming angry email I had ready to send. At the end of day it does not matter what she knows or who told her. The toxic slut is good at driving people up the wall and this time her actions will not earn her a responce. I have counted this as a win because in the end I made a clear well thought out choice about how not to respond.
Here in the middle of my life healing is still very slow and the pain has returned to my surgical wond, the creep of a doctor I had must have done something wrong because it looks to me like my nipple has sunken in to my breast. I was afraid of this happing to me when I had babies to nurse, but I never though surgery would leave me looking disfigured.
Instead of giving in to the pain and the lack of energy I lie to myself and push it out of my mind. I get up each morning and I keep right on going as best I can evdery single day. I am slower than I ever have, but using the chace to try new crafts and read new books.
Self help books never got my attention and they still have not sparked any real responce from me, but I am having great luck finding books with inspiring storylines. A good ending does not always have to be happy and a happy ending does not always have to be good.
I still hate washing dishes and cleaning laundry but I still get it done even if it takes me longer. I still would rather eat out, but I cook if we are going to be eating in. I still work hard to be a good parent to my kids even if they listen less when I speak. I am bothered by the way they see I am slowed down and use that as a reason to act out and make my job being their Mom that much harder for me right now too. I think it is because there are so many words and feeling that have gone unspioken in our home. I know that a few of the things that have been said have not helped. Wanting and having as so far apart right now in our hom and in my own heart.
Where does the time go?
# posted by Sassy @ 12:44 PM 
