Thursday, October 05, 2006
October Again
Well I have see years rush past before but today the fact that it is a clod October morning makes it seem all the more real. The fact of the matter is October is here yet again.For me October brings Birthdays for my Mom my brother and my daughter too. My wedding anniversary is in October too.I want less than nothing to do with Halloween this year because last year Halloween was just to much for my oldest son and he went to he mental hospital after that on November first. His stay there until mid December was helpful but emotionally crushing for our whole family.This year has been just as emotionally stressing for me in other ways.Both of my Grandmothers are in nursing homes recovering from strokes. My Mom and Dad are at odd over the differences in their care. One of my Aunts has taken over ruling the family, ad everyone resents everything she has done. After Grandma is gone from us I want to tell her she can take off the crown and store the septa away. I never want Grandma to be gone from us.I miss her so dearly and so deeply. I use to talk with her on the phone and those conversations made my life seem full and real. I have been morning the loss of those conversations, that attention, that love from her. She has been the only true real best friend I have ever had in my life. With out Grandma I feel so worthless and useless. I want to be the one to help Grandma, to care for her, to see that she has every comfort. I resent that my Mom and my aunts and uncles have that chance and I just do not and can not provide the care I long to share with Grandma.The very hopes and dreams that keep me going are changing ad that is something no one can teach you how to handle, or why those changes are indeed so important.I sure hope seeing November come up on the calendar does not stir so much
# posted by Sassy @ 9:46 AM 
